My Story

breeder-bingo

In the summer of 2014, at the age of 32, I was ‘bingoed’ about being childfree for the first time in my life.  Because I had never experienced that kind of intrusive and judgmental line of questioning before, I couldn’t put my finger on why or how the experience had left me with such an unpleasant and vaguely disgusted feeling that persistently lingered during the following months.  I couldn’t understand why anyone would think it so unusual that I did not want children, and why they would want to persuade me to reevaluate my choice by essentially interrogating me.  Why did my being childfree bother them so much?

But I didn’t even know of the term childfree at that point.  Nobody in my inner circle had ever had children or wanted them, and I guess in part because of my aversion to mainstream media, I had just never come across the rise of the childfree in society.  But soon after I started researching, I realized childfree wasn’t just a concept, but a lifestyle that supported a rich and vibrant community.  And I was intrigued, fascinated, then elated – I felt like I was finally amongst my own kind in society;  people whose lives didn’t revolve around breeding and conforming to the parenthood chapter of the life-script.

Very shortly after I discovered the childfree concept, I somehow stumbled across antinatalism.  I’m almost positive I encountered it my first time in the suggested books section of Amazon, while looking into books about being childfree.  I don’t know if it was Confessions of an Antinatalist, Better Never to Have Been, or both.  But after I clicked on the book and learned about antinatalism, my life has never been the same.  For the first time I was able to see in words what I had always felt deep inside; procreation is always an inherently selfish, harmful and immoral act that only perpetuates the suffering inherent in the human condition.  Antinatalism not only gave me the logical permission to accept my pessimistic view, but validated my feelings that this whole experience called life is in fact nothing more than an exercise in mindless suffering and pointless futility.  All this shit is for naught.

I also have a very personal and intense struggle with pronatalism, because I am an adopted person.  And despite all the material privilege I was lucky enough to receive, I can say with total confidence and conviction that none of my life has been worth the pain and loss.  The good never, ever, makes up for the bad.  I would rather not exist and have been aborted, particularly because of the evil circumstances of my conception and the harm it did to my birthmother.   Shortly before I discovered antinatalism, I learned I was the product of statutory rape (42 and 16), and before I was even born, I was sold to the highest bidder, my adoptive mother (by way of my godfather, but that’s a whole other story).  The person who bingoed me for the first time was one of my biological brothers, whom I had just learned of and met.

And that’s why I take this philosophy so seriously and it means so much to me.

That’s what motivates me to write this blog and make YouTube videos and spread the antinatalist message as much as I am able.  Mine was an illegal, immoral and manipulative conception, and a birth that happened solely for personal monetary profit and gain.  (Grandma lied to my birthmother about where I was going, and bought a house from her adoption lottery winnings, which an aunt still lives in to this day.)  This is why I often refer to adoption as the baby-buying market and advocate so strongly for abortion over adoption.  If I can persuade just one woman to choose abortion over adoption, than I will have paid antinatalism forward and my existence will not totally be in vain.  For me at least.

Aside from my personal reasons, there’s also the big picture: Humanity will die out.  Homo sapiens will become extinct one day.  Just like every other form of life to have ever lived in the entirety of all existence, we too are headed the way of the dodo.  It’s gonna happen.  To deny this is the absolute height of human arrogance and ignorance and fear.  Perhaps no other condition so defines mankind apart from the other animals as his knowledge and fear of the inevitability of death.  We fear this so much we imagine and live in very complex fantasies to reassure us of our immortality, of our importance in the universe, to brainwash ourselves that nothing is ever really final.  These lies exist only to perpetuate the suffering, the mindless addiction we have to continue our DNA servitude, the twisted double helix cracking the whip of daily existence.

Well I say: Fuck you DNA.  I may not have had the power to stop you in the beginning, but I have the power to end you now.  I will not be guilty of creating more bodies to feed to the meat grinder.  I have a happiness and a peace that no unconscionable breeder will ever experience, because I never worry about if my children are safe.  I know without a doubt that my children will never suffer, never cry, never agonize, never fear.  And that is actually one of the best feelings in the world, knowing I have done my duty to protect the unborn and make this rock a slightly less miserable place.

4 thoughts on “My Story

  1. Hello, a YT subscriber here… Just found out about your blog (via ‘The Prime Directive’).
    Thanks for sharing, as always. Thanks for speaking up no matter what.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s taken me a lot of time to work up the courage to speak out and share openly, and its encouragement like yours that keeps me going.

  2. Thank you for your blog and your videos, they are great! It’s really cool to see more people talk about antinatalism. It makes me want to start a blog too…

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